"World Terrorism Alert Levels" by John Cleese

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose."

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.

-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

Choices

Have you ever wondered about the hydroxycut side effects? I never take any pills without checking out the possible side effects. Oh, I used to, but at my age I feel I must be aware of all the choices I am about to make. I feel that education is vitally important, being educated about the choices we are making. Currently my doctor & health nurse are pressuring me to take drugs to lower my cholesterol levels and I do not want to do that as I do not like the possible side effects of these type of drugs. Therefor, I am taking natural products that I know are safe and that help to reduce the cholesterol, as well as watching the kind of foods I eat and being more active. I believe we have choices.

House Number Missing

I'm thinking about getting myself one of those house address plaques, or making a sing to put down by the road. Lately I've been giving away lots of lilac bushes over Freecycle, working at fixing up my yard, and since the number fell down I have to give directions to anyone that is coming here for any reason like picking up lilac bushes. This is reasonably easy since I can give the neighbor's house number and explain I am right across the street from there. However, I know that if I had to call police or ambulance, every second counts and not having my house number up could cost precious moments. Yes, I need my house number posted at the bottom of my driveway!

Garden Accomplishments

I have spent most of today out in my garden. Dan came over and moved a set of stairs for me from my garden to the other side of the house, up against the retaining wall. Now I can get up to that part of my yard with much greater ease. I've had those steps for may years and wanted them where they are now so am very happy to finally have them there. Since he was here, I've planted seeds in the ground and into pots; I've added soil to the Freezer Raised Garden to bring the so it's now ready to be planted in; I did a bunch of digging with my shovel and leveling with my rake to level out some hills and dips (Several years ago this area of the yard was dug up to replace the septic line and was never properly leveled. I just planted some herbs on the hill and now want to improve it.) I worked then rested, worked then rested so that I could keep going without causing my body too much pain. I was in one of my rest periods, sitting at the table out there, looking around admiring the accomplishments and planning more when suddenly very large drops of rain began to fall fast and furiously. I grabbed my phones (cell & cordless land line), my tea cup and water bottle, gloves and seed packages, and ran for cover. It really poured out there for awhile though I think it's stopped now.

Garden & Trike

This time of year, my life is all about gardens and motorcycles, or to be more specific, my garden and my trike (3 wheeled motorcycle). Oh, I still have to do things like house work and other things necessary in life, but my main focus is my garden and my trike. Working on the trike to get it ready for riding season can be a dirty job as is gardening and any painting needed so I always make sure I wear old clothes to do this kind of work. I was thinking I might check out the 2nd hand stores for some lab coats, thinking they would be great for wearing over other clothes to keep clean. I used to raise and show rabbits and I found that it worked well to wear something like that over my good clothes at shows and while handling the rabbits at home. I also find that rabbit droppings are great for my garden so even though I no longer raise or show rabbits I am glad I have one pet rabbit left and am thinking about getting a few more.

Garden - Tea

Baby Spinach

I like to do things a little 'different' from most people. I guess because I find it boring to do the same, the expected. For example, I would like to have a few friends over for tea in my garden so rather than phone them, or even email them to invite them over, I think it is more fun to send an invitation. This time of year I have lots of little 'baby' plants in my garden as it over flows with spinach, mixed lettuces, kale and peas, so I think it would be fun to send my friends baby shower invitations. This way they would come to visit my garden and while enjoying a cup of tea they could 'meet' the little plants and maybe even enjoy a salad made with some fresh picked salad mix and/or spinach.

View from my Garden

OUCH!!!

My friend CJ gave me Gel Nails a short while back. She was taking a course in doing them and needed people to practice on, and I was lucky to be one of them. I've really been enjoying them.... until now. Yesterday I 'lost' a nail. Not the first one, and no big deal really, CJ can put it back on for me. In the meantime, until I get time to go see her I have to wear a bandaid on it to protect it from further damage... kind of a 'bother'. Today, I was carrying a bucket of rabbit feed, just putting it away where it belongs, and I don't know how I did it, but another nail got bent and snapped the Gel. The nail is still on, but the Gel is cracked the entire width of the nail, down in the tender part and I was bleeding through that crack, so obviously tore the flesh below. OUCH!! So now, both index fingers are bandaged due to these Gel Nails!! I was just filling a water bottle a few minutes ago and OUCH!!!! I hit the end of the painful finger and it hurt at least as bad if not worse than the first time. It may even be bleeding again under the bandage for all I know. Not that it's bleeding a lot, but I might be going to loose this nail now and I don't mean the Gel Nail, but the real one!! If it bleeds under your nail from injury people often loose the nail.

Spring has Sprung

It's fun at this time of year to see all of the new life everywhere you look. Working in my yard yesterday I was noticing all the beautiful blooms on many trees in my yard as well as my neighbors, and I was listening to the baby sheep in the neighbor's field, playing and calling to each other and their moms. Another thing I like about this time of year is all the young girls/women who are so excited to be graduating from school and some who are getting married soon. The shopping sprees are in full swing looking for the perfect bridesmaid dresses, bridal gowns and grad dresses. I have always loved spring best and found it to be the most fun & exciting season of the year.

I need HELP

I was surfing the net, as I often do, reading various things and came across and advertisement for best creatine supplements. Since I did not have a clue what creatine was, I Googled it and found it an interesting read. Among other things, Wikipedia (gotta love Wiki) says "... and helps to supply energy to all cells in the body..." WOW, I wonder if this means that a lazy couch spud like me would get energized and start to clean my home and yard as well as going for walks or riding my exercise bike. That sure would be a big bonus, wouldn't it!! I know I have to get moving, that I have to find the energy to take back my life and my health!! This is really out of hand for a woman who used to be very active. At one time I was always out at the country night club dancing all night long!! I 2 stepped and line danced to a slim, trim, healthy body and now since I quit going to bars I quit dancing and slowly got to where I quit moving much at all. I am in trouble and need some kind of help to get me moving again.