Relationships

I am a single woman who has lived on my own for many years, most of my adult life in fact. I was married at 17 years old and left that unhappy life just 3 years, 3 months and 5 days later. The divorce was on the grounds of mental cruelty. Over the years I had different boy friends, including a musician, another musician who eventually became a tattoo artist, a laborer at the glass plant, and a few others that I need not mention here or anywhere. Finally, in 1988 a friendship I had with a floor layer advanced to more and we decided to live together. This relationship lasted just 22 months and would have been less if it didn't take so much time to extract myself from the abusive, controlling situation without having it go violent. The next man I became involved with was a cowboy, manager of a ranch, my dream come true and the love of my life. This relationship only lasted a matter of months until his grown daughter caused us to have a nasty argument and with us both having been badly hurt too many times it was enough to split us up. I still think of him often, all these years later.  It took a long time for me to let another man into my life, this one was something of a bush man, could even be called a tailored sportsman, and he was very persistent in convincing me to try again. There was a lot of good, and a lot of bad in this relationship that lasted around a year. Sometimes he would come to my home and mow my yard or shovel the snow off the driveway, depending on time of year of course, while I still slept. He even did the lions share of the work of building a huge tire retaining wall in my yard.  We loved going to the bush together, panning for gold, hiking, just driving... and he loved my animals too, especially my dog. Unfortunately, he had anger issues that I could not handle.  Having had abusive relationships before I could not chance being in yet another one, so we broke up.  Yes, I still miss him too and wonder where/how he is now.

I had only dated a few times in the last 20 years or so.  Mostly I am very happy and content to be single, on my own, free, safe... yet at the same time a part of me does want a boyfriend.  I'm not sure I want to live together, or to marry, though maybe someday.  For now I would just want to date and get to know each other, to grow into a relationship together. I think a man who rides a motorcycle would be great, motorcycle and horses even better... and this is just one item on a list of 'must haves' for my potential mate.

39 Years Ago Today

Today, September 1, is the anniversary of the day I got married.  I was 17 and he was 18. Way too young, for sure, but we didn't think so at the time.  We thought we were in love.  Now I don't know if it was really love or just infatuation, for that matter, when I look back on any of the 'love' relationships I've had I don't know if it was real love or something else.

Married on September 1, 1973, I left the unhappy marriage on December 5, 1976 (3 years, 3 months and 5 days later). On the same date the next year I saw a lawyer and filed for divorce. By August 1978, I was legally divorced.

June 18, 1999, I got a phone call from Nancy, the woman that had been living with my former husband Everett for some years.  She called to tell me he had experienced a brain aneurism a few days earlier and had just passed away..... 5 months to the day after my Dad had passed away. It was a shock!! I was not only surprised that he was gone, but also at how this affected me.  I went through a lot of emotional upheaval, grief, that I wouldn't have expected.  Maybe I really did love him after all.

39 years ago I was married.  It only lasted 3 years, 3 months & 5 days.... yet still, on this day each year, I think of Everett and I wonder..... I wonder lots of "what if's" that I will never have answers to.

Human Challenges

Today I was at a Baby Shower that I was invited to about a month or so ago. I found it most boring though am happy I went as many others canceled or just didn't show up. The young mother to be is the younger daughter of a friend of mine, both special people. Another friend of mine is always talking about how 'old' his is and has already been giving out many verbal birthday party invitations, for when he turns 60 in April 2012. While one boy is soon to be born, another one is more or less planning the end of his life when he could be planning many years yet to come. So much of humanity doesn't make much sense to me, I must admit. My mother is now 88 years of age and seems to still have more plans for her life than the friend who is going to turn 60 in just over 6 months. I wish I could better understand sometimes... and yet maybe it's not for me to understand. I just wish I could find a way to help my friend plan for more life and actually look forward to it.

Light Mail

Daily Inspiration: Although some marriages are made in heaven, they ALL have to be maintained on earth. ~Unknown

Today’s Affirmation: I remember the love today where it matters; in me.

Today's Spiritual Contemplation: There is only one bit of work absolutely essential to a lasting marriage. Remember the love! Most marriages die because the trivia of our daily dramas becomes more important to us than our real work; being a living witness to the love that brought us together and actively communicating from that love.

Light Mail is put out by Rev. Dale Jukes of the Okanagan Centre For Spiritual Living.

Thoughts & Catching Up - 3

When I got home, Monday August 10th it was a big job to pull everything together for the Pasta Productions I had committed to putting on... on Saturday the 15th. As I didn't have enough volunteers (only had 1 in fact) I knew I'd have to do all the work myself. I decided to buy pasta sauce in jars and just fry up some onions & peppers to add to the sauce, and some ground beef to some of the sauce (have to have meat and vegetarian), then Linda was bringing Alfredo sauce, homemade, as well as helping cook the pasta & make the salad, etc. in the kitchen at the Centre. I also would set up tables & chairs, dress the tables, etc etc etc, then clean up later & set up for Sunday Service the next morning. Talking to a friend, George, he asked how I planned to do the sauce & I told him. He suggested I let him come do the cooking, LOL. I accepted. Dinner was late getting onto the table, but it was delicious!! A fabulous meal. I would prefer things to run on time, and I am grateful when they run... period. The concert was awesome!! Master guitarist Chris Madsen opened for the guest of honor, Anthony Burbidge. If you'd like to hear some of Anthony's music, you can do so on his web site. The next day, he performed a song at Sunday Service as well, and I bought a copy of his newest CD which he autographed for me "Alice - Queen of Pasta, Goddess of Love. Thank you. Anthony" Also on Sunday Patric Creelman performed 2 songs. He's been a regular at our Centre all summer as he's been up from New York City visiting his parents here. WOW can that man SING!! He even got a standing ovation, which he deserved. He's promised me he'll do a Pasta Productions for me when he's up here again so I look forward to that and will build a special production around him.

In the meantime, I have already got plans under way for the next Pasta Productions. It will be October 16th, to celebrate the 18th anniversary of the Centre in our city. I have a lady, Dawn, who asked a few weeks ago if she can do a reading of something she's written at an upcoming production... and my friend Cheif White Buffalo Man Many Feathers wants to do some of his traditional native singing & dancing, all painted up and in full regalia. That should be very interesting. Not sure who else will be performing yet, but I do know it will be fabulous... and as always I will be the MC for the evening. I also know I will have enough voluteers for this next one, they'll come as I need them so long as I trust and don't doubt. As much as I loved having George do the cooking and it was fabulous!!, I don't want to use him for the next one. I am honest and have told him that I am not ready to settle down into a committed relationship, just be friends and date and he seems cool with that for which I am grateful. When he's there I feel I have to be somewhat attentive to him and I know with Cheif there I won't want to be attentive to anyone but the Cheif. We don't see each other all that often and when we do it's special time. I've always felt a strong connection with him, even back when I knew him as Dean. He's a native spiritual man, a shaman, and he's told me that I was his wife in a past life. I believe him as my heart tells me it's the truth.

Words From The Universe

This evening when I was reading my email, I was reading one from my online writers group. One gal had written something about relationships, and a second commented on what the first had written. As I read their words, some other words started to flow through my mind, so I just wrote them down, then sent them off to share with the other ladies in the group. I can't claim the words as mine exactly, though it was my mind they came through, and my fingers that typed them. I give credit for these words to the Universal Mind... All Knowing Spirit... God. (There is nothing else). Here are the words:

Relationships are not meant to always be happy and easy. They are meant to help us grow and learn even more in life than we can on our own. No one will ever totally master a relationship. It is 2 different people living together and there is no way that 2 people can always think or feel the same way. Part of our lesson is learning how to communicate and cohabitate with the other person. It is not for us to learn to think or act the same, but to learn how to be different and honor those differencees, while still loving and communicating in such a way that allows us to honor and respect our self while honoring and respecting the other person in the relationship.

Does that make sence to you? Lord knows, relationships are not something I've excelled at. These words just came. I think they are for me as much if not more than for you.

Blessings

Alice

FREE HUGS

I send a hug to each visitor here.
I send peace and love to everyone in the world.


A hug is the shortest distance between friends.
--Author Unknown

Romance will be Great in 2008

I'm looking for some Romance in 2008! Of course, if you are a regular reader here, you already know this. You also will know that I did a list for Thursday 13 about what I am looking for in a man and in a relationship with the man, and you will know that I went out on a date recently. This is the first date I've gone on in many years. Well, at least the first 'real' date. I've gone for dinner with someone that said it was a date, but he also often said he only wanted to be friends, and he'd kiss me and hug me, then go away and I'd not hear from him in months. Then he'd come back and do it all over again. Then I invited him to my church for the Christmas Candle Lighting Service and he brought a date with him. NOT Romantic!! But that was in 2007. I left the year in the dust and him along with it.

This is 2008, and things will be great in 2008. Not only did I get to go on a date the other evening, but he brought me roses!! I told about this in a recent post, if you're interested. He seems to be a very nice man and we had an enjoyable evening. Today, Moe called to let me know he's thinking of me, and to suggest that one evening soon we go to a movie (rather romantic ). I said I like this idea. I met Moe through an online dating site, so maybe those things do work after all. I've heard of many couples that met online like this and ended up in happy love relationships.

If you are looking to meet that special someone and have some romance
and possibly some love this year, check out E-Harmony.

The link(s) in this ad has been removed - March 7, 2009

Romance

I often think about romance and what it would be like to have a man in my life, well a man that is more than just a friend, lol. One thing I think would be romantic is weekend (or longer?) getaways. For example, load up our horses into the trailer, hop into the truck with the dog in the back and off we go to some spot we've heard or read about that is wonderful for trail riding. After a wonderful afternoon in the saddle we drive to a restaurant for a nice dinner, then over to the Bed & Breakfast place where we have a reservation for the next couple nights. (Actually, it would be what is called a Bed & Bale, a B&B where you can have your horses.) After checking in, we go to our room to find a small fire burning in the fireplace, a few lighted candles, the covers turned down on the big comfy bed, and a chocolate on each pillow....

If you live or will travel to California, you may want to consider staying in a California bed and breakfast.

Quotes to Live By

"An open ear is the only believable sign of an open heart."

-- David Augsburger


We can easily get into trouble in relationships when we assume that we know what someone else is thinking or feeling. Parents, in particular, can be quick to judge what's going on in their children.

Rather than assuming we know someone else's experience, we could shift our perceptions into questions. Instead of saying, `I know you're hurting,' we could ask, `Are you feeling hurt?' This allows us to connect with the other with no risk of misunderstandings.


"It's always wise to raise questions about the most obvious and simple assumptions."

-- C. West Churchman

"To assume is to be deceived."

-- Yiddish proverb