Relationships

I am a single woman who has lived on my own for many years, most of my adult life in fact. I was married at 17 years old and left that unhappy life just 3 years, 3 months and 5 days later. The divorce was on the grounds of mental cruelty. Over the years I had different boy friends, including a musician, another musician who eventually became a tattoo artist, a laborer at the glass plant, and a few others that I need not mention here or anywhere. Finally, in 1988 a friendship I had with a floor layer advanced to more and we decided to live together. This relationship lasted just 22 months and would have been less if it didn't take so much time to extract myself from the abusive, controlling situation without having it go violent. The next man I became involved with was a cowboy, manager of a ranch, my dream come true and the love of my life. This relationship only lasted a matter of months until his grown daughter caused us to have a nasty argument and with us both having been badly hurt too many times it was enough to split us up. I still think of him often, all these years later.  It took a long time for me to let another man into my life, this one was something of a bush man, could even be called a tailored sportsman, and he was very persistent in convincing me to try again. There was a lot of good, and a lot of bad in this relationship that lasted around a year. Sometimes he would come to my home and mow my yard or shovel the snow off the driveway, depending on time of year of course, while I still slept. He even did the lions share of the work of building a huge tire retaining wall in my yard.  We loved going to the bush together, panning for gold, hiking, just driving... and he loved my animals too, especially my dog. Unfortunately, he had anger issues that I could not handle.  Having had abusive relationships before I could not chance being in yet another one, so we broke up.  Yes, I still miss him too and wonder where/how he is now.

I had only dated a few times in the last 20 years or so.  Mostly I am very happy and content to be single, on my own, free, safe... yet at the same time a part of me does want a boyfriend.  I'm not sure I want to live together, or to marry, though maybe someday.  For now I would just want to date and get to know each other, to grow into a relationship together. I think a man who rides a motorcycle would be great, motorcycle and horses even better... and this is just one item on a list of 'must haves' for my potential mate.

39 Years Ago Today

Today, September 1, is the anniversary of the day I got married.  I was 17 and he was 18. Way too young, for sure, but we didn't think so at the time.  We thought we were in love.  Now I don't know if it was really love or just infatuation, for that matter, when I look back on any of the 'love' relationships I've had I don't know if it was real love or something else.

Married on September 1, 1973, I left the unhappy marriage on December 5, 1976 (3 years, 3 months and 5 days later). On the same date the next year I saw a lawyer and filed for divorce. By August 1978, I was legally divorced.

June 18, 1999, I got a phone call from Nancy, the woman that had been living with my former husband Everett for some years.  She called to tell me he had experienced a brain aneurism a few days earlier and had just passed away..... 5 months to the day after my Dad had passed away. It was a shock!! I was not only surprised that he was gone, but also at how this affected me.  I went through a lot of emotional upheaval, grief, that I wouldn't have expected.  Maybe I really did love him after all.

39 years ago I was married.  It only lasted 3 years, 3 months & 5 days.... yet still, on this day each year, I think of Everett and I wonder..... I wonder lots of "what if's" that I will never have answers to.

Monday January 10th

I went to my Aqua Therapy, soaked in the hot tub afterward, then after my shower & went to my chiropractor for a treatment. All felt good. One the way home I bought a few groceries. Spent the evening at home.

Roger had said he wanted to cook for me and Saturday evening when talking on the phone he said he'd come to my place on Monday to cook some deer for me. He also said he'd call Monday. Before I left for Aqua Therapy I sent him a text message: Hi Rog. We still on 4 2nite? Or would U prefer to "do coffee" 2day n cook another time? His reply: Wrkng next few days call u tonite I texted: K. Have a good day. Talk to u later. Since then I've not heard a word from him. I don't get it. Why do guys do this kind of thing? Why make plans if you don't want to keep them? Why say you'll so something then not do it? Even women that use the best eye cream for wrinkles aren't any more wonderful than I am... why take a chance of loosing me? Fool. (haha)

Mark wasn't around last night or tonight for our near nightly internet chats. Not sure what's up with that, but he did leave me a note today wishing me a good day. That was nice. I'm kinda glad to have some time off from talking... after all, "absence makes the heart grow fonder", lol.

So much for the awesome romantic life I seemed to have a few short days ago.

Thoughts & Catching Up - 3

When I got home, Monday August 10th it was a big job to pull everything together for the Pasta Productions I had committed to putting on... on Saturday the 15th. As I didn't have enough volunteers (only had 1 in fact) I knew I'd have to do all the work myself. I decided to buy pasta sauce in jars and just fry up some onions & peppers to add to the sauce, and some ground beef to some of the sauce (have to have meat and vegetarian), then Linda was bringing Alfredo sauce, homemade, as well as helping cook the pasta & make the salad, etc. in the kitchen at the Centre. I also would set up tables & chairs, dress the tables, etc etc etc, then clean up later & set up for Sunday Service the next morning. Talking to a friend, George, he asked how I planned to do the sauce & I told him. He suggested I let him come do the cooking, LOL. I accepted. Dinner was late getting onto the table, but it was delicious!! A fabulous meal. I would prefer things to run on time, and I am grateful when they run... period. The concert was awesome!! Master guitarist Chris Madsen opened for the guest of honor, Anthony Burbidge. If you'd like to hear some of Anthony's music, you can do so on his web site. The next day, he performed a song at Sunday Service as well, and I bought a copy of his newest CD which he autographed for me "Alice - Queen of Pasta, Goddess of Love. Thank you. Anthony" Also on Sunday Patric Creelman performed 2 songs. He's been a regular at our Centre all summer as he's been up from New York City visiting his parents here. WOW can that man SING!! He even got a standing ovation, which he deserved. He's promised me he'll do a Pasta Productions for me when he's up here again so I look forward to that and will build a special production around him.

In the meantime, I have already got plans under way for the next Pasta Productions. It will be October 16th, to celebrate the 18th anniversary of the Centre in our city. I have a lady, Dawn, who asked a few weeks ago if she can do a reading of something she's written at an upcoming production... and my friend Cheif White Buffalo Man Many Feathers wants to do some of his traditional native singing & dancing, all painted up and in full regalia. That should be very interesting. Not sure who else will be performing yet, but I do know it will be fabulous... and as always I will be the MC for the evening. I also know I will have enough voluteers for this next one, they'll come as I need them so long as I trust and don't doubt. As much as I loved having George do the cooking and it was fabulous!!, I don't want to use him for the next one. I am honest and have told him that I am not ready to settle down into a committed relationship, just be friends and date and he seems cool with that for which I am grateful. When he's there I feel I have to be somewhat attentive to him and I know with Cheif there I won't want to be attentive to anyone but the Cheif. We don't see each other all that often and when we do it's special time. I've always felt a strong connection with him, even back when I knew him as Dean. He's a native spiritual man, a shaman, and he's told me that I was his wife in a past life. I believe him as my heart tells me it's the truth.

Happy Valentines Day

Wishing you all a most
Happy Valentines Day!!

Words From The Universe

This evening when I was reading my email, I was reading one from my online writers group. One gal had written something about relationships, and a second commented on what the first had written. As I read their words, some other words started to flow through my mind, so I just wrote them down, then sent them off to share with the other ladies in the group. I can't claim the words as mine exactly, though it was my mind they came through, and my fingers that typed them. I give credit for these words to the Universal Mind... All Knowing Spirit... God. (There is nothing else). Here are the words:

Relationships are not meant to always be happy and easy. They are meant to help us grow and learn even more in life than we can on our own. No one will ever totally master a relationship. It is 2 different people living together and there is no way that 2 people can always think or feel the same way. Part of our lesson is learning how to communicate and cohabitate with the other person. It is not for us to learn to think or act the same, but to learn how to be different and honor those differencees, while still loving and communicating in such a way that allows us to honor and respect our self while honoring and respecting the other person in the relationship.

Does that make sence to you? Lord knows, relationships are not something I've excelled at. These words just came. I think they are for me as much if not more than for you.

Blessings

Alice

Romance will be Great in 2008

I'm looking for some Romance in 2008! Of course, if you are a regular reader here, you already know this. You also will know that I did a list for Thursday 13 about what I am looking for in a man and in a relationship with the man, and you will know that I went out on a date recently. This is the first date I've gone on in many years. Well, at least the first 'real' date. I've gone for dinner with someone that said it was a date, but he also often said he only wanted to be friends, and he'd kiss me and hug me, then go away and I'd not hear from him in months. Then he'd come back and do it all over again. Then I invited him to my church for the Christmas Candle Lighting Service and he brought a date with him. NOT Romantic!! But that was in 2007. I left the year in the dust and him along with it.

This is 2008, and things will be great in 2008. Not only did I get to go on a date the other evening, but he brought me roses!! I told about this in a recent post, if you're interested. He seems to be a very nice man and we had an enjoyable evening. Today, Moe called to let me know he's thinking of me, and to suggest that one evening soon we go to a movie (rather romantic ). I said I like this idea. I met Moe through an online dating site, so maybe those things do work after all. I've heard of many couples that met online like this and ended up in happy love relationships.

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The link(s) in this ad has been removed - March 7, 2009

A Wish for 2008!

I think that romance is an important thing in everyones life, whether you are married or not and whether you admit it or not. Even if you are getting over a break-up, a little romance will help you feel better about yourself and your life, but please take it slowly and don't rush into anything.

I wish Romance For Everyone in 2008!

I want to start the year off right by having a date with a nice man. He doesn't have to be my 'right' man, just a nice one that I can talk, laugh and spend an enjoyable evening with. Someone who is good looking, and also intelligent so we can have a good, deep conversation over a nice dinner. Maybe we'd go out to a movie, then go for coffee/tea and discuss what each of us liked or disliked about the movie. You can't get to know each other while sitting in a dark theater watching a show on the screen, but you can by talking honestly afterwards. I want him to hold my coat while I put it on, to hold the doors for me, including buildings and vehicles, and to in general just treat me like a lady. I miss having this kind of treatment and I want it back.

I think that it is important to keep the romance in a relationship, i.e. marriage, if you want that relationship to be a happy one... if you want it to last. One way to do this would be the 10 second kiss. When your partner comes home, say from work, great him/her at the door and kiss for 10 full seconds. Yes, EVERY TIME... not just some days, not just when you feel like it, but every day. I think you would be surprised at how much it is enjoyed by both parties and how it keeps the romance alive and well.

Before we can truly love someone else, we must first truly love our self. This is vital in any relationship. You are valuable!! You are worth loving!! You are LOVABLE!! All my life I thought I was not lovable, not worth anyones time to love, and that even if they took the time to try loving me it wouldn't be possible, so they would fail. I even thought many times about removing myself from the Earth as a favor to certain family members, and to the world at large. Now I am so thankful that I never did follow through on those thoughts. I have made so many changes in my life and I now know that I am lovable and love-able, I am worth loving, and if someone took the time to get to know me, I would be easy to love. My Dad once gave me a paper that had a drawing of a cute little boy with his chin on his crossed forearms. The caption said: "I know I'm somebody, cuz God don't make no junk". I understand it more and at a deeper level now than I did all those years ago, and I know it to be true.

Now, finally, I think I am ready to start dating again after so many years of not doing so. I am ready to have romance come back into my life. I am ready to love and to be loved. It's not that others haven't loved me before, it's that at some deeper level, I didn't allow their love in. I had a big brick wall up that kept love out because I thought it would hurt too much if it got inside.

* Many people love me, friends and family members.
* I am lovable
* I am loving
* I am God's expression of Love
* I am ready to receive love into my life
* I am ready to receive the love mate that God has waiting to enter my life.

I wish you all a wonderful 2008, and may it be filled with love and romance.

The link(s) in this ad has been removed - March 7, 2009