Manic Monday

Yes, that's right... it's another

MANIC MONDAY

The word that Mo (It's A Blog Eat Blog World) chose for us today is Independence. Then he adds:
"This one's for everyone who ever had to get out from an abusive situation.
May you have your Independence Day."

Since we Canadians just celebrated Canada Day, a cymbal of Canadian Independence, and the United States will be celebrating their Independence Day on the 4th of July, I think a lot of people will likely post about that kind of independence. I think I'll just be open to what the Universe brings through my fingers.

At Dictionary.com it gives the following meaning for independence:
–noun
1- Also, independency, the state or quality of being independent
2- reedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like, of others
3- Archaic. a competency


Yes, sadly I have had to find my way out of abusive situations before. When I left my controlling and abusive husband (1976) I became infatuated with butterflies because "Butterflies Are Free" and so, finally, was I. For years I collected everything butterfly. When I would go out dancing, people would ask how many butterflies I was wearing that night and I would have to count. "2 on each cowboy boot =4, then the 4 necklaces =8, plus the ring and 2 on the belt buckle =11, oh ya, how many of my 6 pairs of earrings are butterflies...." was kind of the way that topic would go. (yes, 6 pairs of earrings. For awhile I had 7 piercings in each ear, then let the top one heal over as it always caused problems. Eventually the next one in line started to cause problems, after many years, so now I only have 5). So the butterfly, for about 12 years, represented my independence.




I ended up with an abusive and somewhat dangerous boyfriend about 1986. That was really scary for awhile, especially when his friends started to call me and threaten to burn my house down during the night, with me in it... because I broke up with him, refusing to take that anymore. Once again I was free, but not for long.

In 1988 a long time friend and I took it a step further. We fell in love and decided to live together. I rented out my home and moved all my stuff to the coast to a house we rented. All was great for a few months, then it all went to hell. It was around this time that I lost my infatuation with butterflies, and stopped collecting them. I was no longer free and I was no longer happy. He started to show his true self, and I found out he'd beaten his first wife. He said it was because she know what buttons to push and she deliberately pushed his buttons. (Like it wasn't his fault, he was innocent). Eventually, he started to tell me I knew what buttons to push and I was deliberately pushing his buttons. I knew if I didn't get out soon I would be beaten too, and he would see it as my fault, not his. I had no idea I was "pushing any buttons", by the way. It wasn't easy to get out of this one, but I did manage it eventually, and during this time we moved back to the Okanagan and into my house. So on March 13, 1990, I again regained my independence. In order to keep said independence, I had to sell my house and go into hiding for awhile, but it worked. There were 2 or 3 times he found me and forced me to go to his mother's home, about 45 minute drive out into the country, and each time, after a few days, she was able to help me get away again. She know what her eldest child was like.

I had one more relationship after that with a man that in many ways was wonderful, but he had an anger control problem, so, once it showed up I got rid of him fast! I still miss him sometimes, over 12 years later, but then I guess I have my times of missing them all... they all had good about them too.

So, for over 17 years now, I've lived alone but for my animals. It's been so many years since I even had a real date that I can't remember when it was. I am a very strong, independent woman who is set in her ways now. I never planned to spend the majority of my life alone, but that's the way it's worked out. Would I like to try it again? Actually, yes. I think I'm finally feeling ready to give it a try again. The other day I even joined an online dating site, 100% free for everything there, plentyoffish.com and put my profile up along with 4 photos of me. Then I looked at a bunch of men's photos and profiles, and sent a note to each, just a short one to say hi and tell them to check out my profile and photos and get back to me if they saw anything interesting. I see they've all view it now, and not one of them wrote my one single word. Not even to say "thanks but no thanks". So that is for me a dead end, but at least I took the first step. I let myself and the Universe know that I am ready to step out of my comfort zone and take another chance on love. Now to find a man that wants a strong, independent woman with a mind of her own. Wish me luck.

Okay... this didn't exactly take the direction I'd thought it would, but that's okay. Sometime it's better to just let the fingers do the work instead of trying to follow a preplanned path. I had kind of thought I'd post photos of my wonderful day today (as I post this it's still July 1 to me)... a day in the life of an independent woman! Maybe tomorrow. :o)

I think you all know by now.... if you have a Manic Monday post, leave a link to it with Mr. Linky ... and everyone with or without a MM post, leave a message please. I love your Fabulous Feedback.