Sunday, January 13, 2013

Smithers Centennial - The Rest of MY Story

I wrote a post about the Smithers Centennial and how I and my 'family of origin' are connected with this event.  I posted "Happy 100th Birthday, Smithers, BC" after cutting some of what I had written.  I cut it because I decided to put a link to that post on Facebook, my page and the Smithers Centennial 2013 page, and I felt that not all of what I had written need be part of that post. Yet, I didn't want to just delete what I had written.  Maybe it's more something that should be shared in a Diary, or in a Personal Journal.  I have chosen to share those words here instead of hiding them away, even though they are about my feelings and may have no real interest to anyone other than myself... or they may.  If you are about to read this post, you may want to go read that first part first, then return here to read the rest.

Here is the rest of the story:

For many years I was very unhappy with my parents for moving us away from Smithers, though I have been having a very good life in the Okanagan Valley, and am now happy to be here.  I think it is only since 2000 that I no longer think of that town as my home.  I often dreamed about being on the road traveling from Vernon to Smithers, or Smithers to Vernon, or being in one preparing to travel to the other, feeling torn between my two homes.  It's not all that long since I last had one of these dreams.  I think that, in my heart, I have now chosen, that I now finally truly know which is my home.  I am here, at home in Vernon where I have a good life, a nice home, and many dear friends.

This evening, while visiting Mom, she asked me if I was glad we moved down to this area of our province.  I don't know.  For so many years I felt I had been taken away from where I was meant to be, and I knew in my heart of hearts that I would have married the boy I knew since I was a little girl, the absolutely gorgeous man I spent some time with when visiting as an adult. I believe that had he not been married to another by that time, we would have gotten together all those years later since the childhood love was still there... for both of us. After that visit I never saw him again, for he was killed in an accident way too young.

I will never know what my life would have been like had we stayed in Smithers, I can only guess at that.  I know my life has not always been happy here, but who's life is always happy? Would it have been happier if we had stayed in Smithers??  It has certainly not turned out the way I had hoped, the way I had envisioned it would be. Yet, I suspect it has turned out the way it was meant to be.  Am I glad we moved away from Smithers? No!! Am I sorry we moved away from Smithers? No.  It is what it is.... period!

I thought I was finished writing this post.... I was going to hit "Publish"... yet I have said nothing in either Smithers post about my Aunt Mable. My mother's sister.  She was so much a part of our lives as we were growing up.  I so miss my beloved Aunt Mable!! She has been gone many years now and life has never been quite the same without her here.  I look forward to the day I see Aunt Mable again...

 Tears are rolling down my face now... it is time to end this post.

(Picture from Google Images)

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