My Home - My Nightmare

I think I've told you that my home is a terrible mess. At one time I kept my home clean and though there was always a bit of clutter somewhere, for the most part my home was tidy. Somewhere along the line, something inside me changed. I'm not sure what it was. I think it started around the time the depression started. Meds have helped with the depression, I am now back to being my usual bouncy, laughing, outgoing personality. Yet still there is something that some days, when I allow myself to think about it, feels like some part of depression. When I am out and about with other people I am active and joyful, yet when home, though I am not unhappy, I have no energy. I spend a lot of time with this computer, with the TV, in bed napping, but never seem to quite be able to push myself to do the housework. When I have done some and gotten things looking better around here I haven't been able to keep it up, so it backslid to where it is now. Not as bad as it has been in the past, but headed that way and if I don't get to it, it will soon be that bad and worse. I have good intentions, and all those intentions don't add up to a hill of beans.

The other day, a fellow I know came by to visit and while here he gave me yet another 'lecture' about cleaning the place up. How much better I'd feel about myself and life and yadda, yadda, yadda. I know he's right, and I know others have been right too, and they have not told me one single word I haven't told myself first. R also told me how I should tear out this carpet (light peach carpet, after 17 years of me and all my animals is no longer pretty) and replace it with laminate flooring, etc. etc. etc. As if I didn't already want to do this, and ceramic tile in my kitchen and hallway. I tiled my bathroom floor some time ago and it looks great. Yes, R, I know it would look good, and yes, I know it would up the value of my home, and I also know the amount of money and effort this would take, along with other things I want to do here. Geee, maybe instead of laminate flooring, maybe I should consider some home theater carpet.