Addendum to Manic Monday

Addendum to
Manic Monday

It was very nice to get the comments I got. Very kind comments. Thank you all. Some of them make me think of more that I want to say :o)

Men that are abusive don't tend to show that side of themselves. They are very good at hiding the anger and abuse, they know that if they show it we will run for the hills. They hide it until they are sure they have us "hooked", under their physical or mental/emotional control. I had been married to E for 2 years or more before the first time he hit me, and it was only one backhand that knocked me across the room and up against the wall. (He hit me one more time after that, a smack across the head with the insoles from his work boots) I'd vowed "for better or worse" and that was part of the worse. There was a lot of mental abuse before he hit me, stuff that tore down the flimsy self esteem I had to where I didn't have enough of it left to be able to walk out. And my parents would be so disappointed in my if I left my husband. Finally, 3 years, 3 months and 5 days after I married him I'd had enough and I left. For awhile he kept trying to get me back and I would almost go, then he'd be mean to me and I finally said for him to leave me alone and never come back. Okay, so those weren't the exact words but... lol. He stalked me for awhile during that time, then finally got the message and left me alone.

One year to the day after I left E I was in the lawyers office filing for divorce. I got it on the grounds of mental cruelty. A hard grounds to get it on, or so the lawyer told me after we left the court room, but the judge gave it to me without even hearing everything. He was obviously upset and said he didn't want to hear any more.

At one point a few years later, I spend several hours with E and it was very nice. Who knows what might have happened had he not made a move on me and scared me into running away. (Too much too soon). I eventually was able to forgive E. I know that he wasn't a bad man... we were both just way too young. When we married (September 1, 1973) I was 17 & E was 18. Just kids, though you couldn't tell us that back then.

When E died at age 44 (June 18, 1999), his common-law wife phoned and invited me to the viewing of his body (he had once said he wouldn't want a funeral when his time came), and I went to the "after party" at her mom's place. I knew N and her mom El before she got together with E, by the way. When I walked into El's N met me at the door (she didn't go to the viewing, she'd already said her goodbyes to E). We hugged and talked a bit. I told her I had kept thinking I wanted to, and was sorry I never had, contact E and tell him I forgave him for the things he had done, and that I was sorry for the things that I had done (yes, I had done things too. An unhappy person can do some bad things in response to the pain). N said that E knew and he had forgiven me a long time ago too. That he had heard of the things I was doing with my life and was proud of the woman I'd become.

I've often wondered "what if...", but of course I'll never know. The chance is long gone and so now is E. There is a part of my heart that will always belong to E, and he will live in my heart and my memory for as long as I live.

Wow... this has become way longer and way more involved that I'd planned. It was just meant to be some short points. HA!

I will later write a Part 2. You can read it or not as you wish.... I have to write it. I hope that some day in some way my story will help someone else, man or woman, to get out of a dangerous or unhappy situation.