I Roasted my Parrot!!

This is a speech I gave at Toastmasters the other night. It is done as a 'roast'. This was my 10th speech as an 'advanced' speaker, and it completed the requirements for my Advanced Communicator - Bronze award. During this speech I shared 5 photos of DW, each at a specific place in the speech.

Roasted, Toasted and Slathered In Peanut Butter

Madame Toastmaster, fellow toastmasters, welcome guests.

The “in thing” now days is ‘going green’! People are becoming more consciously aware of the failing health of Mother Earth and are working at making changes in their lives to help slow down, and hopefully stop, the damage & destruction done to the Great Mother.

I am pleased to introduce to you our Guest of Honour this evening. My fine feathered friend DW has always been green!!

As some of you know, DW just joined my life about a month ago. She is a 12 year old Ringneck Parrot, & from what I’ve heard about her past, it sounds pretty “colourful”.

One day a man went to an auction. While there, he bid on a parrot that just happened to be DW. He really wanted her, so he got caught up in the bidding. He kept on bidding, but kept getting outbid, so he bid higher and higher and higher. Finally, after he bid way more than he had intended, he won the bid – DW was his! As he was paying for her, he said to the Auctioneer, "I sure hope this parrot can talk. I would hate to have paid this much for her, only to find out that she can't talk!"

"Don't worry", the Auctioneer assured him, "She can talk. Who do you think kept bidding against you?"

When this parrot first came into my life, one of the questions I asked was why she is named DW. Is it short for something? Here’s the story behind that. Her original owner was a wealthy, religious man. One night while he was out, a burglar broke into his home and was rifling through the man’s desk when he heard a voice call out, "GOD IS WATCHING YOU". He looks around and sees no one so returns to what he’s doing. Again, the voice says, "GOD IS WATCHING YOU". The burglar looks around, finally sees the parrot perched on its cage and says, "Oh, Hi Polly. You startled me."

"Hey! My name ain't Polly. It's Divine Winged One."

The burglar snorted, "What idiot named you Divine Winged One?"

"The same idiot who named that Rottweiler over there GOD!"

Her last owner shortened her name to DW.

Seriously though, DW will often tell you that she is a “Pretty Bird…. Pretty Bird”… and I agree that she is. She’s pretty noisy, pretty loud and when she wants to be… pretty obnoxious….. She is also pretty sweet… and she looks pretty good too, don’t you think?

It has been an honor to speak in honor of my fine feathered friend, DW.

Madame Toastmaster