Manic Monday - Heart

This started as some journal writing, and now is to be my Manic Monday entry for today. Heart is the word that Mo (It's A Blog Eat Blog World) has given us for today's post, and as it works out, that fits this writing. The names have been changed...

How I’m Feeling Today (The Story of a Foolish Heart)

Last week I saw ‘Harley’ at the library, and then I met ‘Manly’ at church. I was on top of the world. My heart was soaring, doing wonderful, amazing back flips. Two wonderful men (heart throbs, you could call them) that were two incredible chances, opportunities for a soul mate relationship to evolve… or at least for some dating it seemed. I was so excited that it appeared to be the really fast results of the ‘find your soul mate’ workshop I’d just taken with Rev. Dale.

A week has passed now.

A week ago yesterday, ‘Harley’ kissed me in the library. Kissed me right on the lips, right there in the public library. (And I liked it!) He commented on that I’d not been at Lumby Days last year, as if he’d maybe been looking for me, he’d noticed that I wasn’t there. (We’ve known each other for many years, not close friends, though friendly acquaintances. We’ve always hugged, and never kissed before this.) We spent time together at the library, him telling me, and showing me in books, about the tokens he collects… and on the internet showing me places he likes to camp, fish, and canoe. We left the library together and hung out looking at the ice sculptures on the lawn outside, and talking for a long time. Then he walked me to my truck and we hung out there talking, and even kissing some more, with him acting like a total gentleman. I got the distinct impression that he didn’t want to leave, that he was enjoying my company as much as I was enjoying his. He did mention wanting to watch a fight on TV, yet he seemed to want to stay hanging out with me. When finally we did part, we kissed again. His kisses were so nice. I can still feel his lips on mine, soft, warm and gentle, awakening my body and fanning the fire within me… making my heart go ‘pitter pat’. His were the nicest kisses I’ve had in a very long time. I also keep remembering those strong thighs encased in blue jeans, and how sexy they are, how much I’d love to run my hand over them, feel the muscles below the denim … as I also keep remembering his face. I’ve always thought ‘Harley’ was so ‘hot’, and the passing years have not changed that for me. He has not gotten ‘old and ugly’ as so many others have. He got my phone number and gave me his. I keep waiting for him to phone me, and that call never comes. Why take my number and make sure I have his if he doesn’t plan to follow through and call?

A week ago today, I met ‘Manly’. He came to church Sunday morning with our guest musician for the day, and his girlfriend. When ‘Manly’ introduced himself to me, he looked into my eyes and held my hand much longer than usually done in a handshake. Later we talked, joked, laughed while I made tea and he cut the birthday cake ‘Joyce’ had brought for our Birthday Sunday Social. When we were all getting ready to leave, and I was telling ‘Manly’ about the Games Night we are going to have, he again shook my hand, holding it and looking into my eyes as we talked, for several minutes. Others there noticed it, so it wasn’t just my imagination. He even said he’d be back today, and talked like he’ll be coming to the Games Night. He fit in so well with the other members of the Centre, which excited me too. Well, he didn’t come to church today, and I don’t know if he’ll show up for the Games Night or not.

So… today I’ve been feeling sad, let down. My heart is no longer floating, but sinking instead. Though not broken, my heart is feeling bruised, like it’s been kicked around like a soccer ball. Oh, I know I’m the only one to blame. The guys aren’t, that’s for sure. It is me that read into it more than what was happening. It’s me that got my hopes up and put my heart in harms way. I wonder how I will know when/if it’s ‘real’ and time to let my heart get involved. Will I ever know? Will it ever be safe? I wish I had a strong box I could put my heart into and lock it up all nice and safe, until the time is right.

This whole valentines thing must be playing a part in my current foolish heart reactions. Valentines and wanting the work I've been doing on attracting my soul mate to pay off.

Enjoy your Manic Monday. See you all later in the week.

I am very grateful to have my loving animals, my fur & feather family, to keep me warm inside. I love sleeping with my cat, and I'd also love to get him one of these fancy cat bed or cat climber things. I think he'd love to be able to climb above the dog's level and look at the world.