Wondering about Love

I go through times of thinking I really want a man in my life, really want to be married to a great guy who I'd share the rest of my life with... and times of wondering why in the world I'd want to create more problems for myself. I am free to do whatever I want to do when I want to do it. I don't have to ask anyones permission to go to town or to visit Mom or buy something I want. No one to tell me I have too many plants or too many animals. I married at age 17 and found out that he thought this meant he now owned me. I was 20 when I left him. At 32 I decided to try again, on a common-law basis. 22 months later I ended this and went into hiding. He was worse than the first one. I see others and I know that this is not the 'norm', and marriage can be good. Dad never hurt Mom like that and they loved each other for all the years of their marriage. They made their 50th anniversary, but Dad passed on before the 51st. My one sister has been married since she was 18, now at 55 she is still in love with her husband who is still in love with her. You can see it in the way they look at each other. I want that so much, the love and companionship. I will be 52 in January, less than 2 months from now, and all evidence points to me not having a hope of ever getting that. But evidence is not necessarily truth. I'm not dead yet, so maybe it still could happen one day. If it ever does, or if you are getting married, I know where to find an interesting groomsmen gift.