Friday Funnies #5

Hi... Happy Friday everyone. Here are some more jokes for you that came to me in emails.

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A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success.

All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything, She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail."

The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you

told me to go fly a kite."

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The Nail

Amy, a blonde city girl, marries a Colorado rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy,"The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" So then the rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one...right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks, "Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"

"That's simple. By the nail over its stall." Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, "I guess it's to hang your pants on."

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A cocky Ministry of Highways employee stopped at a farm and talked with an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new road."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field."

The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the Provincial Government to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores. Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Ministry of Highways employeee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull. The bull was madder than anest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step.

The old farmer called out, "Show him your card!!"